(DON'T) Save Tiger Stadium!

I have a hard time getting excited about the protracted efforts to save Tiger Stadium. Even as the wrecking ball swings, small factions are struggling to raise money to save portions of the Tigers' former home. Which portions? The upper deck women's restroom? The 38th row in the bleacher section? Detroit needs to move forward, not hang on to an empty relic of the past. (Boy, does that statement have implications far beyond Tiger Stadium!)

It's not that I don't have fond memories of the old ballpark. Growing up on the west side of Detroit, I enjoyed many a Saturday afternoon and summer night there. It was close to home and inexpensive, especially with bleacher tickets or obstructed view seats. My first date with with my husband, Eric, was also at Tiger Stadium. Despite 21 years of wedded bliss, that doesn't seem like a good reason to keep the ballpark alive, though.

I also have wonderful memories of grocery shopping with my mom at Great Scott at Michigan and Schaefer in Dearborn, but there was no hue and cry when that closed. The small Catholic high school I attended is also closed. How dare they? The Whole Foods near my house is relocating to a larger location. They can't do that! I used to be able to walk there to get my fill of Vegan-friendly fare. Okay, so I hardly ever went there, but so what? Many of my favorite professors at Wayne State have now retired. That shouldn't be allowed, because they were my teachers once I and I liked knowing they were still there. Okay, you get the picture. Life moves on, with or without us. The future is far too exciting to dwell on the past, especially when fond memories will suffice.

AND WHAT WILL BECOME OF FANCHON?

Detroit is not a city that moves on well. Fox 2's Fanchon Stinger is this week's personal case in point. I eagerly read her response to reports of her involvement in the Synagro sludge debacle. My first thought after reading her statement was neither an impression of innocence or guilt; rather, it was whether she used Roget's Thesaurus to amass the number of superlatives used to describe her outrage at reports that she was involved with Synagro. Here's a sample: "scandalous allegations", "blatant misrepresentations", "tawdry allegations", "excruciatingly difficult", "systemic, strategic and malicious dismantling of my reputation..." Whew! I was emotionally exhausted just reading it. Of course my second thought was of innocence or guilt. Thou thinks she doth protesteth too much? (I'm probably not quoting that exactly, but because my WSU Shakespeare professor is likely retired too, it doesn't matter.)

Compuware 1.0 + Compuware 2.0 =Compuware I Don't Know

It's official. Even Compuware officials have no idea what the company does. Read my blog post from February 13th and then read the excerpted Q&A from today's Detroit News interview with Compuware COO Bob Paul.

Q : So how does Compuware 2.0 differ from Compuware 1.0?

A : We'd been focused on many, many different products which span a wide variety of information technology services. We do a lot of things in a lot of places around the world and Compuware 1.0 has been built around being a master of many different things, rather than a master of a few. So that's part of the difference between Compuware 1.0 and Compuware 2.0. Compuware 2.0 is much more about those things that can bring the maximum value to our customers, and that allows for breakout growth.

This less than succinct reply compels Detroit PR Guru to respond in kind and ask, "Huh?"

Remove the reference to information technology services and Mr. Paul has just described approximately 100,000 U.S. based companies. I don't blame Mr. Paul, though. He's been affiliated with Compuware since 2004 but has only been COO since April. It appears to take decades to actually describe, in non-consultantese English, what Compuware does. Meetings must be rather interesting there. No one knows what the company does, but they are all trying to package and sell its mystery services and products to global corporations, Wall Street and even colleagues. (I think Dilbert works there.)

It'd hard to resist tying all this gibberish into a neat little bow when considering the recent paraphrased words of Compuware founder and CEO Peter Karmanos. He supports Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick because, "He's the best that we've got." Apparently, nonsense begets nonsense when it comes to Compuware wordsmithing.

When Crisis PR Professionals Face A Crisis

This week's issue of Crain's Detroit Business profiles national PR expert (note: not PR guru) Judy Smith of Washington, D.C.-based Impact Strategies. It's interesting to note that Ms. Smith cites seven bullet points that serve as the ABC's of Crisis PR. Well, okay, that's not interesting. What is interesting is that her client, Kwame Kilpatrick, is not following any of them. He was almost laughed off the stage when he said at a public forum a few weeks back that he couldn't resign because the city would be plunged into chaos. Methinks the Mayor has spent too long looking at that visual representation of the word "Chaos" that morphs into the word "Order" when stared at intensely. Well to be fair, Mr. Mayor has tried to divert attention away from the crisis (Refocus Attention - bullet point #6) by highlighting other city crises, er, I mean successes, but that requires about a column inch of news. Hence, the media heads back to the main crisis.

Bullet point #5 presents a conundrum for the Mayor. It requires having a "truth squad" to monitor what's being said against what is true. Regrettably, his truth squad lies about published media reports that are, alas, true.

For crisis communications strategies that actually have meaning, I refer my readers to my blog post of April 15. In the meantime, I'd strongly advise Ms. Smith to resign this account. It's bad for her business.

Crisis Communications 101

Tell the truth. Tell it immediately. Tell it often. Go back to work.

Detroit's Mayor has Nowhere to Go

The New York Time's Nick Bunkley notes today there is increasing pressure on Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick to resign (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/03/14/us/14detroit.html?th&emc=th).

With Eliot Spitzer's fall from grace and near immediate resignation earlier this week, many Detroit media folks have suggested Kilpatrick should follow Spitzer's example. What I haven't seen written is the reality that the Mayor has nowhere to go. He's burned almost all of his business connection bridges in Detroit; he never worked as an attorney, and even if he had, his law license is in jeopardy; he doesn't come from a wealthy family; his wife doesn't currently bring in a second income; his lovely home (the Manoogian Mansion), expensive cars and an immense security detail are paid for by the City; and his social and business calendar are filled with exciting, star-studded local, national and international travel and events also paid for by the City.

I think the Mayor should resign. But would I resign if I were him? He's already given up his dignity and credibility, but I don't think anything shy of a legal order can pry him away from his current life of luxury.

On Hermes Scarves and Soon-To-Be Governor Patterson

Was that an Hermes scarf Silda was wearing at her husband's resignation press conference today? (If so, definitely not an Ann Taylor purchase!) My generous brother, Peter, bestows that ultimate fashion accessory on his dear sisters for their 50th birthday. For once, I wish I was older! Until then, I'll have to borrow from my three (much older) sisters. In the meantime, I suspect Silda will be avoiding the press conference scene for awhile. (BTW, Detroit's first lady Carlita Kilpatrick's outfit at last night's state of the city address must have tumbled out of John Travolta's closet from Saturday Night Fever: white suit and black ruffled shirt. Thankfully, she never made any famous disco dance poses.)

Kudos to new New York Governor David Patterson! Not for being the first black governor of New York, as the media consistently point out, but for his amazing accomplishments as a man who is blind. My dear friend and client, Cynthia Kidder, founder of Band of Angels (www.bandofangels.com), has taught me so much about viewing people with physical and cognitive impairments. "Focus on the sameness, not the differences!" Accordingly, Mr. Patterson should be held to the same high standards that a governor role commands. That doesn't mean we can't celebrate his accomplishments, though.

Hmmm...What to Wear to a Public Humiliation?

I did a double take yesterday when I received a WSJ news blast that New York Governor and famed corruption crusading former NY Attorney General Eliot Spitzer was being investigated for soliciting a prostitute. (Kwame Kilpatrick thanks you for the breather, Mr. Spitzer.) Watching the press conference with Mr. Spitzer's cloaked apology, I couldn't help but feel pain for his attractive wife, Silda.

Public apologies over real or alleged marital infidelities seem to be all the rage these days. So much so that it appears high profile, married women may need a public humiliation outfit in their closet - just in case. Makes me recall an interview a few years back with the CEO of Ann Taylor (one of my favorite stores). She said while Ann Taylor Loft customers might ask, "What do I feel like wearing today?" Ann Taylor shoppers are more concerned with having the appropriate attire. They ask "Who am I meeting with today?" Can't you just envision a woman explaining to the Ann Taylor sales clerk that she needs an outfit that complements a type of public death? Funereal but not necessarily black; stylish but not too trendy. Something that looks good on TV and You Tube but will also garner sympathy and perhaps even a few compliments from fashion writers.

With her black slacks, teal blue jacket and pearls, Ms. Spitzer ( I think she dropped the Mrs. yesterday) can say mission accomplished.