Monday, June 23, 2008

Compuware 1.0 + Compuware 2.0 =Compuware I Don't Know

It's official. Even Compuware officials have no idea what the company does. Read my blog post from February 13th and then read the excerpted Q&A from today's Detroit News interview with Compuware COO Bob Paul.

Q : So how does Compuware 2.0 differ from Compuware 1.0?

A : We'd been focused on many, many different products which span a wide variety of information technology services. We do a lot of things in a lot of places around the world and Compuware 1.0 has been built around being a master of many different things, rather than a master of a few. So that's part of the difference between Compuware 1.0 and Compuware 2.0. Compuware 2.0 is much more about those things that can bring the maximum value to our customers, and that allows for breakout growth.

This less than succinct reply compels Detroit PR Guru to respond in kind and ask, "Huh?"

Remove the reference to information technology services and Mr. Paul has just described approximately 100,000 U.S. based companies. I don't blame Mr. Paul, though. He's been affiliated with Compuware since 2004 but has only been COO since April. It appears to take decades to actually describe, in non-consultantese English, what Compuware does. Meetings must be rather interesting there. No one knows what the company does, but they are all trying to package and sell its mystery services and products to global corporations, Wall Street and even colleagues. (I think Dilbert works there.)

It'd hard to resist tying all this gibberish into a neat little bow when considering the recent paraphrased words of Compuware founder and CEO Peter Karmanos. He supports Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick because, "He's the best that we've got." Apparently, nonsense begets nonsense when it comes to Compuware wordsmithing.